“Kathy, I’ve found him. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted and more. He is the man I couldn’t find in Ernie.”
“Nora, are you sure about this? You don’t think you’re rushing this at all.”
“I’m sure. He’s the one.”
“Okay. Who am I to question your decision.”
I still remember this conversation like it was yesterday. How dare you, Kathy. Why didn’t you just warn me? You were always right. I should have listened but I guess bad decisions make good stories.
Shortly after the day TJ and I professed our love for each other, we started to fight over the strangest of things; stuff from my past. I always wondered how our honeymoon period faded that quickly, I mean other couples had longer honeymoon periods. Kathy was my cushion through all of the fighting; she cried with me, helped me talk to him, taught me to be a good girlfriend, encouraged me (even if a lot of times it was for me to breakup with him).
“Nora, we can’t keep doing this with TJ” She said to me after one of our fights in between sobers.
“Who does he think he is? Why does he get to open up old wounds that you’ve worked so hard to heal? He keeps hurting you and expecting you to apologize for it. Why is he making us cry? Tell him to stop or I will.”
I don’t think I could have asked for a better best friend, she really proved herself in times when I needed her. She even shared her counselor; Kathy tends to be crazy sometimes, a counselor is the only way to keep her in check.
“TJ can see my chats! I’m scared he might even be able to listen to this call” I said over the phone that evening. Although she sounded sleepy when I called, my statement must have woken her up completely. The next thing I heard was ‘What the fuck!’.
“I said it. What kind of over protective boyfriend is this? He has no right to read your messages. You don’t even read his chats. Why can’t he freaking just trust you?”
“It’s okay, I don’t even care”
“This is not okay Nora”
Things got good with TJ and I again, he suddenly learnt to be romantic. It was a welcomed development, Kathy loved it. Our relationship moved out of the platonic realm and headed towards you know where. We started small; a little’ cunni’ here and a ‘beejee’ there. We were having fun experimenting.
“You do know if you continue like this, you’ll have sex with him. You should stop dressing like that to go see him, it’s pretty slutty. You might end up hurt in the end because he’ll definitely change and start treating you like crap” I remember her saying but as usual I never listened.
Kathy skipped town for a few months to go live with her Aunty. With her away, things got tougher but I taught myself to cope. She was back in no time and the natural order was restored. She even came back with a boyfriend. I was so glad she finally in the game but crazy Kathy couldn’t even stay in the relationship long enough to celebrate a monthsary. She said she was cool with no labels.
The Friday after she returned, TJ invited me over to the Rome hotel; not too far from Kathy’s house. He wanted us to have dip in the pool but I didn’t bring anything to swim with, so we talked instead.
“Are you lying to my face?” TJ flared up in anger. We were arguing about my Ex-boyfriend. He accused me of still having connections with him.
“I’m not lying TJ and you know it.”
“You know what just get out.”
“What?”
“Get out! Or do you want me to hit you?”
He got up and left me there. Everybody was staring at me and I was trying my best not to cry. I picked up my phone and called Kathy. When I heard her voice on the other end, I just immediately had a breakdown.
“Kathy can you come pick me up at the Rome hotel?” I was crying.
“Baby what’s wrong? I’m on my way”
The first thing she did when she saw me was hug me.
“What did he do this time?”
We spent the rest of the day just talking. She listened to all I had to say.
“You know if have sex with him, he’s going to be worse than this.”
“Kathy I have something to tell you. Promise you won’t be mad.”
“Oga what have you done now?”
“I had sex with TJ”
For a moment I froze, I thought she’d flare up with anger. But she just did the exact opposite, she burst into laughter. Trust me I think my bestie is crazy and it scares me. Once when we were still in high school, she screamed in Math class, so loud that my teacher dropped his textbook to come to her rescue. On getting to her, she started laughing. When I asked her why, she said she imagined a millipede climbing her legs and crawling up to her thighs. But her standing there laughing for about three minutes was a little a bit over her normal crazy. She stopped, looked at me in the weirdest way and said, “When?”
“Few days after you said that we were going to. It just happened. I didn’t want to stop. He asked me so many times if I was sure, I just kept on saying yes. I’m so glad I’ve told you, I can finally be free.”
“Okay.”
I don’t know why she decided to keep her replies short and simple but it was freaking me out. We didn’t really speak about the whole’ sex with TJ’ thing, only when I brought it up. “TJ is my soul mate”, I said to her once. Thinking about it now, it must have been pretty annoying to rub all in her face.
TJ and I fought again before I went back to school. Kathy said the time away from him was all I needed.
“Distance makes the heart grow fonder”
She was right. I had time to breathe and be me. TJ had time to realize he loved me. I visited him in school. My stay there was really fun. I really don’t know who taught him to be such a romantic. He made breakfast and brought it to me while I was in bed. He kissed me even with my bad morning breathe. He made me fall in love with him all over again. We didn’t fight except for pillow fights. He even braided my hair!
Most times, I wonder where it all went wrong. I tend to blame myself when I think about it, I mean if I wasn’t such an attention whore I wouldn’t have found a new friend to share stories about TJ and I with. ‘Nora, what were you thinking? He was a complete stranger.’ But then again if only TJ had not overacted. He just couldn’t bring himself to trust me. The coldness in his voice on the day we broke up still haunts my memory. I remember the shivers it set down my spine. I was pretty sure I heard him wrong so I called him back to ask. When he confirmed it, I broke down into tears.
“So this is it? The end? You’re just going to leave me like this? TJ, you freaking took my virginity, doesn’t that count for anything?” I thought somehow the brokenness in my voice was going to touch his soul, maybe make him reconsider.
There was a ten seconds chill in the air. His voice trailed in…
“So? I took your virginity. Did I force you?”
These words bounded me and threw me into the hands of depression. I cried till I had no tears left to cry. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t call Kathy. I was so convinced she’d give me the ‘I told you so’ speech. It’s funny I still think my sister and I were connected psychically somehow that day. I had to tell someone and she called. Ever since I was in pre K, I’ve always thought Trish had super powers. She was always coming to my rescue when I was in trouble and here was again coming to my rescue. She was pretty disappointed in me when I finished my story. She immediately called TJ and gave him a speech he’ll never forget in a hurry. What a way to seal the deal. Kathy was super glad to hear the news.
“Finally! Trisha deserves some accolades. So tell me, how’s life without TJ?”
I didn’t answer that question but it has been on my mind for quite some time now. To be honest, life without TJ has been painful. Memories haunt my nights and days. But I know I’ll be fine. Who wouldn’t when they got a bestie like Kathy and a sister like Trish.
To the boy who took my virginity,
1. I hope you suffer as much pain as I am suffering right now.
2. Thank you for teaching me heartbreak.
3. Why does my heart still hurt a little bit?
4. I’ve learnt to hate you.
5. I would love to forget you, but I don’t I ever will.
6. Sometimes I look at your Facebook and Instagram for a self esteem boost.
7. I wonder if your new girlfriend is anything like me.
8. I really wish you all the best; I promise.
9. Hope you know number 8 was a joke.
10. Let’s just forget it happened.
© Okiemute Idjerhe
May memories.
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