Oh Shit, I'm High by Okiemute Idjerhe



“Kuh, kuh, kuh”, that was me coughing after a horrible drag.
 “You keep swallowing the air that’s why you are coughing”, Cameron said. 
He had been my friend for quite something now; a master when it came to smoking the herb. That was the main reason I went to him when I felt the urge to try the herb for the first time. And now I felt like a student failing school; I couldn’t smoke the herb the right way.
“Aaargh! Why is it so hard?” I asked.  
“Cause you keep trying so hard”, he replied.
“Here”, he said passing me the herb.
I took it and he asked me to take a drag and trap the smoke in my mouth. I did just as I was told. I held it in for a few seconds, he asked me to slowly release it. The smoke looked really thick. He asked me to try to drag it back in and release it again. When I did, the smoke came out a little lighter that the first. Yay! I finally did it. I was finally passing school.
I repeated the process several times, releasing the smoke through my nose a few times, each time, the smoke coming out purer than the former.
“How do you feel?” he asked.
“I don’t feel anything different”, I replied. 
He smiled. 
Just then I had a slight headache. My head felt heavy and so did my body. I laid down and closed my eyes for a bit. When I opened them, it felt like I had awoken in a dream. Everything was really clear like I had suddenly developed supervision, then it became blurry. Was my eyesight failing? What’s happening to me? My mind kept asking questions. It took about 2 minutes for my brain to process everything and come to the conclusion that I was high. “Oh shit!” I heard my mind say. 
“Cameron, my hands feel heavy. My eyes, I can’t see. What have you done to me?” I sobbed.
“Calm down.  Just relax.”
“How am I suppose to relax?  My heart is racing, my body is shaking. I can’t even feel my hands and my legs”
 He laughed and I started laughing too. 
I suddenly felt thirsty. I drank some water and paced round the room for a while before sitting back down. I lost track of time; first I was chatting on my phone, next I was fighting hard not to fall asleep, then I was running outside. I had loops in my memory. 
Cameron put on some music; I have never heard music sound that way before. I could see the words flying around me. The room seemed to have lit up, it looked like a club. I had the urge to dance. I danced like crazy, something I normally wouldn’t do. 
“Cameron, dance with me”, I said as I pulled him up to stand.
We danced a while and it suddenly felt like the music started playing in slow mo. I kissed his neck all the way to his lips. In that moment I decided that I would definitely get high on my wedding night. I wanted to kiss him but I didn’t. 
I sat on the floor. Realizing that it wasn’t a dream made me laugh. I laughed so hard my tummy started to hurt. ”Do you want me to make a video of you like this?” Cameron asked. I obliged. I felt like a superstar. I danced some more and blew kisses at my fans.
“I’m hungry”, I said. The ‘munchies’ finally kicked in. I headed for the kitchen but couldn’t seem to find the cornflakes even though it was right in front of me. I finally found it but was too weak to prepare it. “Cameron, can you help me make this? My hands are too weak to do it”, I said as I gave him the cornflakes. I ate the cornflakes in such a rush that on seeing me, one would think I hadn’t eaten in a week. 
“Let’s watch a movie”, he said as he unlocked his laptop. Even though I had since the movie before it was real funny this time. “How do you feel now?” he asked. “Better, although my head still hurts”, I replied. 
It was 6pm, time to go; I had been there for over 4 hours. Walking down the street felt weird. It was like everybody knew what I had done. I kept on having time loops. So I eventually boarded a cab and went home. 
The effect was starting to wear off. I read through my chats and laughed at the way they sounded. I ate dinner and took my bath. The bed looked like a handsome man asking me to cuddle. I jump right into his arms. I had the strangest and funniest of dreams. I have never been that happy. 
The herb is a bastard. The herb is my bastard. 
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